The way of trust is a movement into obscurity, into the undefined, into ambiguity, not into some predetermined, clearly delineated plan for the future. The next step discloses itself only out of a discernment of God acting in the desert of the present moment.
The reality of naked trust is the life of a pilgrim who leaves what is nailed down, obvious, and secure, and walks into the unknown without any rational explanation to justify the decision or guarantee the future.
(Brennan Manning, Ruthless Trust)
Do I have such trust in God? Or even more importantly, do I even want to have such trust? My obvious initial answer is “yes.” But Jesus did tell us to count the cost before saying ‘yes’ to him. I realize far too often I jump in without counting the cost or without having any trust, as odd as that may sound.
Do I trust? Do I have such real faith in God’s goodness and love to truly surrender every fiber of my being and life to him? In matters of faith, we must start from where we are not where we aren’t. And where I am is the same place the father of the mentally ill son was when he said to Jesus, “Lord I believe but help my unbelief.” This is found in the Gospel of Mark 9:23-25. But what I love about this verse is that the translation goes more like this: “Lord, I believe but help me where my faith falls short.”
THAT is where I am. Yes, Lord I believe, I do…but help me where my faith falls short; where my faith is not large enough to trust you with reckless abandon. Lord, I believe, but help me where my flesh fears to wander and journey. Lord, I trust you in the Unknown, I trust you on the Journey, but help me where my faith falls short and I feel the urge to turn back around and go back from whence I came.
Yes, loving God involves journeying and being led sometimes where we would rather not go. But the truth is when we trust God we are called not to trust what we see but what is true – that God is faithful.
2 Timothy 2:13 reminds us that “God is faithful, even when we are faithless for God cannot deny himself.” God cannot deny his own divine Self within us. God cannot deny Jesus who dwells in us. God cannot deny the essential nature of his Being, namely that Abba is indeed perfectly faithful.
And knowing, not necessarily feeling, that God is faithful is what we hold onto in the journey deeper into the way of trust.