Restless Spirit, Reckless Abandon


 “You have made us for Yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in You.”

St. Augustine

 For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.” (2 Chronicles 16:9, NASB)

Restless and reckless…I live in the creative tension of both.  I am restless, my heart, my very being, sometimes is so restless, and I do not even sense that God could calm me.  There is a restlessness that nothing can fill, a void, a black hole of wanting, no matter what that wanting is.

Then I remember that I was made to be restless precisely because there is a part of me that was made only for God to fill – a ‘God vacuum’ if you will.  So I will, in this body, continue to be restless until (and only until) I rest in God.

Then there is the reckless part; that part of me that is reckless in a fleshly manner, stupidly sinning or blatantly trying to push the envelope to an edge I may never return.  It is a recklessness that says do whatever you want for tomorrow you may die.

And there is also a reckless part of me that jumps off the cliff of faith and believes without a shadow of a doubt that I am called to live with ‘reckless abandon’ to Divine Providence.  “‘Not by power, nor by might but by My Spirit,’ says the Lord.”

It is a recklessness that says even when I do not see, I will believe that Jesus has me in the palm of his hand and in the core of his heart.

It is a restlessness that pines for God as a deer pants for streams of water.

It is a recklessness that leans towards the addictive nature that dwells within me.

It is a restlessness that is bored with and by everything.

But today, today I surrender to the God of my longing, the utter fulfillment of my restlessness and recklessness, redeeming them for His glory and for others good.