One Confession from an Earthy Monk

I am learning ever so painfully, with tugs, and pouting and yelling and fighting (all with God), one of what would seem to be the easier truths to handle in life: I am utterly dependent upon God.

There I said it.  Whew.  Now I feel better?  Don’t you?

Am I crazy?  Did I ever think I could live my life and do so without being dependent upon my Creator?!  If so, I am crazier than ever.

But seriously, if I am honest (with me and you), I must admit that sometimes I only “confess” my faith with my lips all while living my life as a ‘functional atheists.’  And I honestly respect some of my atheists’ friends, because they say they rely upon the goodness of people rather than faith in a “higher power.”  But me, well, I need God.  I mean, I need God just too even get out of bed sometimes.

I say I live my life as a functional atheist sometimes because if I look at the details of my life, I say with my lips that I have surrendered to a loving, omnipotent Being but I make choices and worry and fret as if that Being either does not exist or is me.  Scary!

I need God. 

And I am not ashamed to say that.  I need God to stay sober.  I need God to create in me a clean and true heart.  I need God to fill me with divine love.  I need God in order to be tender, compassionate and just.  Without God and divine love in my heart, I am just a liar, a thief, a cheat and a whore.  And I’m neither bragging nor ashamed to say that truth.

I am dependent upon God and that is a good thing for me, for today I know I am loved beyond compare; I know, experientially, that I am one with my God, and that I am never separate from the Eternal Source of Divine Love.

I am dependent upon God and because I am such, I also am a child-like finite of the Infinite.  I am a tender expression of the Unsayable Said.  I am a flesh and blood utterance of the Ineffable.  I am a dynamic expression of divine love taking place right here and now.

I have come from Divine Love and to this Love I shall return.

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